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Thread: 6 Ways Men & Women Communicate Differently

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    6 Ways Men & Women Communicate Differently

    Men and women are different in many ways. They see the world through completely different perspectives. The key to understanding their differences is in the way that men and women communicate.

    Here are six important communication differences that you should be aware of, to help improve your communications with your partner and make them smoother and more effective.

    1. Why Talk?

    He believes communication should have a clear purpose. Behind every conversation is a problem that needs solving or a point that needs to be made. Communication is used to get to the root of the dilemma as efficiently as possible.

    She uses communication to discover how she is feeling and what it is she wants to say. She sees conversation as an act of sharing and an opportunity to increase intimacy with her partner. Through sharing, she releases negative feelings and solidifies her bond with the man she loves.


    2. How Much Should You Say?

    He prioritizes productivity and efficiency in his daily life, and conversation is no exception. When he tells a story he has already sorted through the muck in his own head, and shares only those details that he deems essential to the point of the story. He might wonder, “Why do women need to talk as much as they do?” Often he will interrupt a woman once he has heard enough to offer a solution.

    She uses communication to explore and organize her thoughts — to discover the point of the story. She may not know what information is necessary or excessive until the words come spilling out. But a woman isn’t necessarily searching for a solution when she initiates a conversation. She’s looking for someone to listen and understand what she’s feeling.

    3. What Does It Mean To Listen?

    He is conditioned to listen actively. When a woman initiates conversation he assumes she is seeking his advice or assistance. He engages with the woman, filtering everything she’s saying through the lens of, “What can we actually do about this?” Learning to listen patiently — not just passively — doesn’t come easily to him.

    She sees conversation as a productive end in and of itself. If she feels sufficiently heard or understood she may not need to take further action to resolve a problem or “make things better.” The fact that she has been listened to assuages her anxieties and dulls the pangs of negative feelings. Sharing with someone who understands and loves her heals her from the inside and equips her with the emotional tools necessary to handle the trials and tribulations of the outside world.

    4. When She Is Feeling Down …

    He will want to tackle her problems head on, like a fireman. He feels impatient to put the fire out as quickly as possible. For him, the quickest way to put the fire out is by giving solutions. Because he wants so badly to provide for his spouse, he may take her mood personally and defend himself. He might hear things literally, not realizing that when his spouse is upset she will use words as tools to explore and express difficult emotions.

    By using words as tools to explore and express her difficult emotions when she is upset, she is able to process her negative emotions and let them go. She values support and nurture, and is most fulfilled by sharing, cooperation and community. When he shows interest in her by asking caring questions or expressing heartfelt concerns she feels loved and cared for. He is fulfilling her first primary love need.

    5. When He Is Feeling Down …

    He will often withdraw into his “cave” (becoming quiet and withdrawn) when he’s upset or stressed. A man’s “cave time” is like a short vacation: he reduces stress by forgetting about his problems and focusing on other things like watching television, reading the newspaper, or playing video games.

    He might avoid communication with his spouse during times of duress. If she persists with nurturing questions or criticism, he withdraws even further, fearing that his partner doesn’t trust him to take care of business on his own. However, with her support and understanding, a man will return and be more emotionally available, caring, and loving.

    She might interpret her spouse’s silence as a sign that she is failing him or that she’s losing him. She instinctively tries to nurture him through his problems by asking an abundance of caring questions. Or she may react defensively out of fear that her own need for healthy open communication is not being respected within the relationship.

    Ultimately, she can do more for him by appreciating his space, which shows him that she trusts him to work out the problem on his own. Trusting is one of the greatest gifts she has to offer him. In the meantime she should do something nurturing for herself, so she won’t resent him when he emerges from his “cave time.”

    6. Communication Breaks Down When …

    He feels like he’s being told what to do. The most important thing to a man is doing a good job. When his competence is questioned he’ll not only feel hurt, but he’ll throw up a wall of resistance, and communication begins to breakdown. He thrives in an environment where he’s the expert. Rather than being told, “You should do X” he is likely to respond better to, “What do you think of X?” The trick to improving him is to resist telling him what to do.

    She hears from her spouse that her problems aren’t as real and pressing as they seem in that very moment. Her spouse may mistakenly think he’s being helpful in providing “reality checks” like: “You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill” or “You’re getting overly emotional about it.” To her it feels like he is attempting to minimize her feelings or talk her out of having them.

    Men and women desire to satisfy their partners, but they may miss the mark because it is truly difficult to understand and accept our partner’s different ways of communication. Men and women need education on these differences to help their relationships, so they do not end up in a frustrated state of resentment and feel stuck.

    If a couple is feeling stuck, I suggest they read or listen to couples self-help books together. If the couple still feels stuck, then they should always seek professional counseling and get back on the road to better understanding and communication.

    This guest article from YourTango was written by Richard Drobnick.

    Thought this article was well worth posting. Joan

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    Re: 6 Ways Men & Women Communicate Differently

    Other Writers' musings on gender differences:

    Creation Order Story:
    God made man before woman so the man would have time to think of an answer for the woman's first question.


    Men, you may think you have a command of the English language, but when it comes to communicating with women, you may be surprised. Here is our dictionary of Womanese. Master these terms and you'll find your relationship with women greatly improved.

    The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women
    1.Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.
    2.That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.
    3.Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).
    4.Five Minutes - If getting dressed, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.)
    5. Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.
    6. Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)
    7.Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)
    8.Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)

    Differences Between Man and Women: Names

    If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.

    If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.

    Eating Out

    When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back.

    When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    Money

    A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.

    A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.

    Bathrooms

    A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.

    The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.

    Arguments

    Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    Cats

    Women love cats.

    Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, men will throw towels or other quiet missles at cats.

    Future

    A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.

    Success

    A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife.
    A successful woman is one who can find that in a man.

    Marriage

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

    Dressing Up

    A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    Nature

    Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.
    Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.

    Children

    A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments.
    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

    Thought for the Day

    Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.



    To Be Six Again

    You really have to give this guy an A+ for effort.

    George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday?"

    His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again."

    George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy.

    As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again?"

    Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, "I meant my dress size!"



    Why Men Are Happier

    Men can play with toys all their life.
    Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like.
    Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes which are good for every season.
    Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache.
    Men can "do" their fingernails with a pocket knife or their teeth.
    Men's bellies usually hide their large hips.
    Chocolate is just another snack.
    The whole garage belongs to them.
    Weddings take care of themselves.
    Men's last name never changes.
    Everything on a man's face stays its original color.
    Men only have to shave their faces and necks.
    Men can keep the same hairstyle for years, even decades.
    Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.
    For men, wrinkles add character.
    Men can go on a week's vacation and pack only one suitcase.
    Men's new shoes don't cause blisters, or cut or mangle their feet.
    Men don't have to stop and think which way to turn a screw.
    Men have one mood all the time.
    A wedding dress cost $5000. A tuxedo rental - 100 bucks
    Men can open all their own jars.

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