Received this in my e-mail recently, and quite a few of these points struck home. Interested in comments from other expat offspring or outwith Scots.



You know you're the child of Scottish expats if...


... A kilt is not a skirt – And you know it's not a skirt, because ladies don't wear kilts.

... The high point of your year is the local Highland Games.

... When you were small, you wanted to learn to play bagpipes. (And you still sorta want to learn the pipes).

... You can identify someone's surname/clan and possibly where their ancestors came from by the tartan they're wearing, and get annoyed with people who wear Royal Stuart tartan 'because it looks nice'.

... You can recite a fair chunk of "To a mouse"

... You can sing 'I belong to Glasgow' in a Glaswegian accent, even though neither of your parents actually come from Glasgow.

... You can sing three verses of 'Scotland the Brave' from memory, (but didn't realise until recently that people actually in Scotland consider 'Flower of Scotland' to be the national anthem.)

... You can speak the braid Scots, and often swap without really thinking about it when faced with someone else who speaks it, but no-one can really work out which area you're from....

... Your mother enroled you in Scottish Country Dancing and Sword-Dancing classes when you were younger.

... You don't consider recent immigrants, or people still living in Scotland, to be particularly Scottish.

... You ever got out of school early to go to Tartan Week.

... You firmly believe Irn-Bru is the best thing since sliced bread, but your parents don't let you drink it because it contains both sugar and caffeine.

... You get annoyed by people who can't pronounce 'Auchtermuchty' properly.

... You know 'the basics' in Gaelic – 'Alba gu bràth!', 'piobroch' and 'feile beag' – and if you're particularly interested in foreign languages, can probably greet someone and introduce yourself, too.

... You know how to pronounce 'ceilidh'.

... You know to never, EVER seat a MacDonald and a Campbell next to each other...

... You know what is meant by 'Loud McLeod'.

... You only met your grandparents once or twice, but had a whole host of elderly Scottish expats whom you considered your grandparental figures and addressed as 'Grandpa Jim' or 'Granny Jenny'.

... You know all of the DJs on the Scottish Radio and Celtic Radio hours.

... You pronounce 'Mackay' as 'Muck-EYE'.

... You put 'Scottish' down on your census form where it asked if you could identify with another culture... and were very annoyed when the authorities informed you that 'Scottish' didn't count as a separate culture from ' New Zealander'.

... You rather like wearing the tartan, because in some social circles, it saves you the bother of having to introduce yourself.

... You receive yearly newsletters from the Fourteenth Earl of Somewhere-or-Other – your Clan Chief.

... You used to consider a Scots accent to be perfectly normal, but will now fiercely defend its status as a separate and proper language to anyone who asks.

... You weren't born there, and have never been there, but you still sometimes answer 'Scotland' when someone asks you where you're from.

... You'll fiercely defend haggis to anyone – because, really, it's not that different to sausages, except it has oats and herbs in it.

... You're counting down the years until you're old enough to go to a Burn's Night Supper.

... You're never quite certain whether to use 'frae' or 'fae'. You do know it's 'from' in English, though.

... You're the kid who haunts the Clans Tents/Hall at almost every Scottish community event.

... You've always had a kilt of your tartan in your size, even as a small child....

... You've eaten haggis both with neeps and tatties, and on biscuits as finger-food....

... You've ever wondered why Caledonian Societies vote for their Chiefs – after all, everyone knows that 'Chief' is a hereditary title.

... You've never quite understood the point of amigerous clans, or why there are so many of them – because really, how can you have a clan without a Chief?

... Your three favourite Doctor Who characters are Jamie McCrimmon, Amy Pond, and the 10th Doctor.

...You wait for the next edition of "The Scots Magazine" with baited breath.

... You know what "deoch an dorus" means.

... You know as much about the Battle of Culloden as about the Maori wars, if not more.

... You've ever had a slightly-drunk ex-military officer try to convince you to swear allegiance to his clan chief.

... One of the first things you do when you start learning the piano is pick out "Loch Lomond" by ear. Quickly followed by "Scotland the Brave" and "Auld Lang Syne". And then "Pokarikari ana".

... Your parents tell you that you need a social life, so you join the local Caledonian Society. (Which totally wasn't what they meant).

... You actually like the sound of bagpipes.

... You say "chook" and "googie", and even though your teacher tells you off for using "slang" and tells you to say "chicken" and "egg", you know it's also good Scots (as well as good New Zild!) and say it anyway...

You know which dairies in your area sell Irn Bru.

... You never have to worry about what to wear to a Christmas party, because your tartan is mostly green and red.

... You keep cool in summer by making Irn Bru slushies.

... Your excuse for being pitifully unable to deal with the summer heat is that you're Scottish. (Even though you were born in New Zealand.)

... You become infuriated at Hogmanay parties when they sing Auld lang syne and pronounce syne with a "z" - and then add words that don't belong.

...You still pronounce Menzies as Mengis, thus confusing everyone.

...You insist on a single malt at the pub when everyone else is drinking Johnnie Walker Red.

...You spend half an hour cooking your porridge in the morning when everyone else is gulping down their cornflakes.

...You got taunted in the school playground for being a foreigner.

...You have inherited a large collection of Scottish country dance band LP's - and have nothing to play them on.

...You don't do the shopping…you "go the messages".

Because, really, Scottish expat culture bears little resemblance to what Scotland's actually like today.