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Thread: These green rectangles.

  1. #1
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    These green rectangles.

    GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in North America? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

    ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

    GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

    ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

    GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

    ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week.

    GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

    ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

    GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

    ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

    GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

    ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.

    GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

    ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

    GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

    ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

    GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

    ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

    GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

    ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

    GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

    ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ---

    GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

    Alastair

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  3. #2

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    Re: These green rectangles.

    Lovely post, Allistair:

    Gave me a chuckle. Some folk treat the condition of their lawn as a presentation of their values. Look at me! I'm so perfect. Well, I love my green weeds. There is nothing nicer than to look out on my backyard and see several deer giving my weeeedy lawn preferential treatment by grazing on my delicious weeds. Two boys came by this afternoon. The big eight pointer visits every day now looking for a wee handout of bird seed.Click image for larger version. 

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ID:	1557 He is magnificent!

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    Re: These green rectangles.

    Managed to get the two boys. The other is a four pointer.Click image for larger version. 

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    Re: These green rectangles.

    I hear they like carrots if you have any to spare.

    Alastair

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    Re: These green rectangles.

    Hi Lizzie, nice story and photos. I have a public park very close to the house and often see roe deer grazing.

    Some years age there was one in the farm field opposite my house, and I put up a story about it, here on es.

    Here is the link:

    http://www.electricscotland.com/frie...sheer_deep.htm

    You will understand the odd name for the story !! lol

    Ranald

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    Re: These green rectangles.

    Hello Ranald:
    Loved your story about the wee thing. They do bring us such pleasure. HOWEVER!!! There are beasties that can be a bone of contention. For months I would shoo away that thing in the attached pic as it tried to steal the food I put out for the feral cats. Very early one morning there I was ripping across the lawn in my pajamas, bare-footed, wafting my broom as that thing hopped tauntingly ahead of me. I heard a loud guffaw from the street. A neighbor was having a hearty laugh and he shouted "you should be on you-tube. Yes it must have been a sight! Well, I have conceded to this tenacious ugly little rascal. It is quite amusing to see him parade around the patio and Click image for larger version. 

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ID:	1559cock his head as I inform him of his ugliness.

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    Re: These green rectangles.

    Hello Lizzie, glad that you enjoyed the wee story.

    So glad to notice that you were 'wafting your broom' and not sitting on it ...lol

    Ranald

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    Re: These green rectangles.

    Thanks for the giggle, Ranald. I might yet go swooshing over roofs and around chimney tops!

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    Re: These green rectangles.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lizzie View Post
    Thanks for the giggle, Ranald. I might yet go swooshing over roofs and around chimney tops!

    Lizzie,

    I think I have found you on one of your original flights................... a chaming wee lasssie you were :r edrose:


    Gordon.



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    Re: These green rectangles.

    Hello Gordon:
    You ARE a character! Where do you get the likes of above? Well, she did seem a very affable witch, and I'll take that as a compliment. Of course, Halloween has not arrived!!!!

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